Finding Balance Amid Chaos

via Candid Musings

I am currently deep in the process of moving. My days are all over the place. Between packing and gathering paperwork and scheduling movers and all that mess I am always seeking some semblance of balance. 

I have to remember somewhere in my mind that if I don't make time for myself - for my yoga, my artwork, and my family - then I will burn out quickly.

Somewhere in the chaos I have to stop and turn inward. I must find the stillness to reconnect with my center and breathe. Even while the world around me seems to be going at warp speed. Just like in my yoga practice - the transition needs to be treated with as much skill patience and equanimity as any other time.

"Yoga doesn't take time it makes time." - Ganga White

via Candid Musings

Weirdo Week and a Rumi Quote

Last week was a weird busy kind of week. We saved a heap of baby ducks from a sewer drain on Tuesday (which I was just sure I could turn into a talk for this page), but then I got food poisoning on Wednesday (the vomitty kind), and I've been trying to get a lot of reading and artwork done while also searching nonstop for our first house to buy. I really like this Rumi quote I came across though, so I thought I'd share.

This can apply to your life plans or to your yoga practice in particular. Sometimes you go through a streak where you just wanna meditate all the time, or you can't get enough of handstands, or whatever. Follow these things through. Don't artificially hold yourself back because you think "real yoga" isn't like that or something. You'll feel better for it, and maybe you'll get stronger, or more centered... or something. Let's not overthink it - if your passion is something other than murdering then it will likely lead to good things.

via FuckYeahYoga

Challenge Yourself to Create Balance

What have you been avoiding because it looks difficult or pulls up emotional funk? Is there something you've been ignoring that you could be working towards?

People tend to get all too cozy in their comfort zone. They don't focus on their weaknesses very often (if ever) - which allows them to get weaker and weaker. In the meantime your strengths get stronger and stronger. This creates an ever-expanding gap in your abilities. Sounds like a huge imbalance. The more advanced your yoga practice gets the more your imbalances can come back to haunt you. The smallest weak spot can completely throw off a pose and lead to injury. Easily avoidable if you just do the work - all the work, all the time.

via FuckYeahAshtangaYoga

Take a good look at your practice. Is there an entire direction you aren't moving? Is there a category of poses you avoid? Is there a tweaky chronic pain that needs to be addressed?

Don't think that being a beginner or an intermediate practitioner excuses you from this. That's exactly when you need to be creating good habits of introspection and filling in the gaps.

Challenge yourself by looking into those spaces before you have the Grand Canyon of imbalances staring you in the face.

via Yoga, Water, Sun, Light

Learning to Live: Stephanie Snyder

From wonderful yoga teacher Stephanie Snyder comes this inspiring TEDx Talk about darkness, passion, yoga, and self-study.

From the video description:
"What you hide from the world owns everything you do. Your most successful existence will come from making friends with your broken places and being of service. Know yourself and you will know what your life's work is meant to be."

 

Readers Via Email - Click Here for the Video.

TED Talk: Sarah Kay

I was lucky enough to stumble across this video of Sarah Kay giving a TED Talk about living out loud and making connection with others through spoken poetry. It's 18 minutes long, but so moving and inspiring that it's more than worth the time.

Other than the obvious fact that her talk can be taken AS IS and be perfect for my whole mission with this blog I felt that some of the points directly apply to a physical yoga practice too.

Just like she says about poetry:
Practice what you know 
Practice what feels authentic to you... not just what you've seen
Not just the way you think it's supposed to be or look
But what organically feels right in your energy/body of the moment

Resistance to Practice: Lighten Up!

Doldrums, disinterest, lack of motivation... Whatever you want to call it - it can be a veritable brick wall. The first time this happens to you isn't really much different than the 50th time. It's always uncomfortable. Everyone deals with it differently. When the last thing you want to do is practice - how do you handle it?

I suggest that you lighten up!

My asana practice has been dragging ass for a few months. The very sight of my mat kinda makes me groan at the notion of practice.

Finally I realized that if I relax my requirements of what counts as practice then I might do more yoga. I started doing yoga in my pajamas in the grass of my backyard, at the gym in the middle of the "stretching area" in my sneakers, or in the carpeted living room while wearing socks. Turns out I just need a new perspective for a while.

My practice is different (again) and I've sort of distilled it down to the pieces I enjoy the most. I've removed the "fluff" and I'm doing lots of lunges, hanumanasana, and pigeon mostly. I've made huge strides in my poses by doing this. That doesn't mean I never do the other stuff. I just mostly focus on my big loves and loosening my expectations is treating me well.

When you want nothing to do with yoga - focus on what you love.

By immersing my practice in joy and letting go of the picky details like always having to be barefoot I'm reconnecting to why I love the practice and this slump will pass.

In the Art Studio

My posts have become slightly less reliable lately. For this I apologize, and I'd like to offer an explanation.

Little known fact - I used to be an artist. There's always this argument about whether yoga is art and I just transitioned into a different art style, but I consider the two to be too separate to be related. For me anyway. Nothing even remotely compares to drawing and painting. As long as this exists - there is no other art to me.

Once upon a time I did some art school and I was offered money for my work and people thought I had talent or something. However, it's hard to pay the bills as an art major so I went into biology instead (clearly I threw that idea out the window when I ultimately chose yoga). Anyway - with both art and yoga in my every day - I'm finding a ridiculous amount of happiness and fulfillment.

My latest project - and my first foray into soft pastels.

I recently cleared some space and started a home art studio. I got tired of sitting in the kitchen floor to draw and paint all hours of the day. So now I have this room all to myself and it's quiet and full of sunlight and I am spending all my time there. Sometimes I wash the colors off my hands and climb into bed in the wee hours of the night/morning - forgetting all about the blog-post I was supposed to write. So forgive me and be patient as I figure out how to arrange my schedule/life of activities - again. It's always something.

The Anusara Drama - I'm Over It

Like many in the Anusara kula - I have felt a whole spectrum of emotions the last few weeks. At times I have been indifferent, defensive, angry, sad, just plain anxious, and more. It's been a little exhausting for everyone I'm sure. The drama has been flying. Even when you aren't directly involved in the story it's hard not to get defensive when people start accusing you of being in a cult. All this considered - I have been silent on the whole issue here at Hearts Expanding. I've been absorbing all the information I could and assessing what action, if any, was the right action for me.

In case you've managed to miss the whole John Friend controversy - you can go see 

a Timeline of Events at Bay Shakti to get caught up.

Some people's reaction to the news.

People that I know and love, teachers I respect - almost everyone is kind of scattering to the wind. Some declared their loyalty while others declared their resignation. At first it was like I wasn't 100% sure what to do with myself with all my teachers no longer under the same umbrella.

Since I never went all the way through with getting my Anusara-Inspired certification (I started but changed my mind some time last year) I have been looking at this entire debacle primarily from the eyes of a student. After a lot of inward contemplation I came to recognize that I have been following certain teachers more than Anusara itself. I never followed John Friend individually. He is not and never was my teacher.

As I recognize that my practice is so much more than that - I no longer list Anusara yoga as my primary yoga; but I will still practice it as long as some of my favorite teachers are involved in the method. I will continue to try new systems and be open to yoga as a whole. Some of my teachers are choosing to stay with Anusara, and some have chosen to leave. I fully respect and support both decisions. I will study both inside and outside of the Anusara community. As long as their teachings resonate with me - I will study with them wherever they are.

TL;DR
Here at Hearts Expanding, I'm not attached to John Friend or Anusara Yoga.
I just love Yoga and the teachers that made me.

How To Be Alone

This video - I saw it, and I immediately loved it. In authentically inhabiting the skin of exactly what it set out to be - it's inspiring, poetic, and beautiful. Yoga is all about becoming more comfortable with yourself - just you. If you become comfortable with yourself - you can learn to be alone with yourself - then you can learn to love yourself. There you just might find enlightenment - and if not that - maybe just some peace.

\

Readers via Email - Click Here for the Video.

Rest to Cultivate Growth

As yogis we practice hopefully everyday. Except when we are resting. There should be some off-days scheduled in there somewhere. I took about a 2 month long rest in the fall. Some of it intentional, most of it not. Everyone has these little periods where we don't practice. Sometimes they're a couple days sometimes they're months long. During that time - I always worry that when I get back to the mat I'm going to be completely incapable. Not that it matters, but it's going to be uncomfortable. There's a little piece of me that whines when I'm in down dog for the first time after a week or more without it. That little piece whines about everything.

That's the inertia speaking. The longer something sits the harder it is to get it going again. This applies to anything. Objects, relationships, yoga practices, attitudes, good habits - Anything.

So when I came back to my practice I feared I had lost some strength because muscles are all about "use it or lose it". Turns out I lost a little but it was regained so quickly to be not worth mentioning. My build had grown only slightly softer.With that very mild softening though - came an ease in how I carry myself that's hard to describe.

Everything feels a little simpler and I have made a dozen breakthroughs. Both in physical and subtle practices. I guess our inner self and our outer practices can be like muscles. Muscles don't grow while you're lifting heavy things. Muscles grow later in the dark while they're being rested. Quietly sowing the seeds planted during the hard work.

So by all means - plant your seeds, do the work - but don't forget to provide the rest your system needs to really flourish.

New Year - Fresh Intentions

I don't really do New Year's Resolutions. When the new year comes I might have some intentions for my year, or some hopes, but I don't resolve things.

New dress. New socks. New Hair.

This year I hope to be more open to those around me and I intend to create new friendships. I hope to love and appreciate with all my heart, so that I may make the most of what little time I have on this planet as a human. I intend to live with freedom, expression, and a wild inner light to better uplift those around me simply by proximity. I intend to truly see the sun, the moon, the flowers, and the inner goodness of those I meet. I hope to hug more, receive more, and do more.

What are your hopes and intentions for the New Year?

Where Are You Going?

"You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

-Yogi Berra

I spent a large chunk of this weekend in stores with incredible piles of people. Tons of people dutifully consuming... unless they're just milling about like zombies. I saw a lot of that too. I get the feeling that few of these people are practicing presence. I don't think many of them are on any particular path or maybe even aware of their life. Many of them are just going through the motions and existing. I hope I'm not doing that.

I've been trying to make christmas lists for people, buy gifts, practice yoga, figure out when/how I'm going to visit my mom one of these days... and yet I'm trying to give Thanksgiving it's time. Right now that's where I should be going. Yet my path has kind of skipped it, so I need to circle back around and make sure I get to Thanksgiving. I don't want to miss it. It's not often that gratitude is in season.

Halfway There - Challenge Update

Now that we're halfway through the 30 day challenge, it's a good time to check in. With each other and with ourselves. How's your practice coming along? What are some obstacles you've encountered and what are you doing about them? Feeling any different? Are you doing it alone or with support? Are you enjoying it? If you're not having any fun - you may be too serious. Now lighten up and do something silly. Sometimes a buddy and some partnered balance poses are all you need to associate yoga with giggle fits.

My home practice right now is:
I'm doing the detox this week so its very small. The practices YJ provides are like 30 minutes long, which is a huge drop back from my usual 2-3 hour thing. I think it's good for me though. As someone with a dominant vata dosha I tend to be on overdrive as much as possible. I need to sometimes focus on doing less and doing it slower. This week is definitely accomplishing that. I'm still doing my hour long morning session, but to have such calm afternoons is sweet.

My favorite part may be the self-abhyanga that I've been doing daily as part of my slow-down detox. It truly makes me feel luxurious and clean and pampered. What is abhyanga you ask? It's a self-massage with warm organic sesame oil that is done pre-shower. I coat myself in warm oil literally from head to toe - then I sit and meditate to let it soak in. Then I shower. Try it! Quality instructions here.

Other things I've been doing as part of my practice and detox week: Reading books all day long, going to bed earlier, getting up earlier (like when it's still dark), and abstaining from killing things. This sounds like a no-brainer, but I didn't realize how hard it is to NOT kill spiders and flies. I accidentally killed a mosquito Tuesday night.

7-Day Detox with Yoga Journal

Yoga Journal is having a 7-day fall detox program created by Ayurvedic consultant Scott Blossom. Anyone can join and I signed up, but I'm not really going to do the whole program. It's not one of those detox programs where you fast or live off juice for weeks. Instead it's one week of cleansing kitchari (a rice, beans, veggie mix), hot tea, lots of self care, yoga, and meditation.

However, I'm not really a detoxer. I don't do that kind of thing... but I do intend to slow down my days, follow the self care techniques such as abhyanga (daily self massage with oil), yoga classes, and meditations. I'm even going to try kitchari which is a cleansing but nourishing dish. I'm turning off my cell phone for the week and I'm essentially going to treat this week as a retreat at home.

The detox program has officially started today with daily emails going out to guide you through it with guided meditation and yoga sequences with awesome teachers like Sianna Sherman. It's all pretty spelled out for you, so it would be good for those that have never done a detox of any kind before. They even provide a shopping list (for recipe ingredients and the like) which is pretty helpful. However, the list is incomplete, so be careful with that.

Go Here for a basic breakdown of the plan and HERE to sign up. You can join at anytime, but if you want to slow down with me - start today!

Small Steps to Big Balance

Do you ever just feel "off"? Or maybe you have some small irritating pain in your wrist, knees, or shoulder? These things are generally created by a lack of balance. I don't mean the kind of balance that lets you stand on the head of a pin with one toe on top of a high rise. I mean the kind of symmetry we all Don't Have in our habits. A real obvious silly one is driver's tan. If you drive in the same places all the time then you'll get a tan (or sunburn) on one arm. Switch it up! Drive at different times, take a different route, be a passenger, or GASP - walk.

Small things can create bigger problems or at least big imbalances in your day to day and your asana practice. Luckily you can find balance in small simple acts.

• Carry your purse/bag on the opposite arm sometimes.
• Carry your child on the other hip
• Hold hands on the other side (with others or in clasped hand stretches)
• Step off the curb with a different foot forward - You probably tend to always use the same one.
• Check how you stand - Is most of my weight on one side? Shift into the middle; weight evenly distributed through all 4 corners of both feet.
• On a subtle level - If you always practice yoga in the same spot or do handstands at the same piece of wall you may end up imbalanced because of small angles of the floor.

Everything you do can have big effects - most of these listed can cause one tight hip flexor or a pinched nerve in one shoulder. Think about your small actions.

Aparigraha in Action

I mentioned yesterday that we're moving... quickly... and far away. This being the case, dragging our full household of stuff would be inconvenient and expensive. We've decided to sell/donate at least 80% of our stuff. The bed, couch, loveseat, giant chair and matching ottoman, fancy red chair, TV, washer, dryer, end tables, dining room table/chairs, etc.... It's all going away. That's just the big stuff. We're also shedding tons of boxes of smaller items like weights. Almost all the small stuff is just being donated and we're exchanging the big stuff for money. I think it's all honorably priced, and it is moving quickly. I just listed the big stuff today and almost all of it is being picked up tomorrow by happy people matched up with great furniture.

I don't know the last time you were face to face with an honest appraisal of how much "stuff" you own (or maybe it owns you), but it was probably too much. That's usually the case anyway. Humans have some pack rat tendencies. We tend to hold onto things for sentimental reasons, obligation, or for no reason at all. Sometimes we even keep things out of guilt. But when was the last time you actually USED any of that stuff? I've been having to ask myself some tough questions about things. Do I really need/want/use/like this item? Why do I have it? Does it serve my purpose on this path? Usually the answer is no... so it belongs in the sell list or the donate pile. It doesn't always get put there. Sometimes it's packed in a box to travel with me, but we all have our weaknesses. For me it's art supplies - for you maybe it's something else.

I've written about aparigraha (greedlessness, non-attachment) before, and you can read more about its practice here.

Photo Source: Tineye found nothing. Don't know. I'm lazy at midnight, so I'm not going to try harder than that.

Practicing Awareness

Of all the times I've been injured or had to jump-start a neglected practice - this one has to be the most intelligent so far. I think so anyway. I mentioned Monday that I had a weird back thing going on that was bad enough for me to rest 100% for 2 days. This means I really did nothing. I spent most of those days lying in bed. I didn't even do laundry which is bugging me because I always do laundry on Mondays. I watched a lot of TV on the laptop and read magazines. I even spent some time just lying there staring at the ceiling and "feeling" what was going on in my body. I've been really good about paying attention to my body this week. I'm proud of myself.

I went on a walk yesterday figuring that wasn't too strenuous and I meditated when I got home. It's been a very educational little break. By this morning (Wednesday*) I was feeling less like my shoulder/back was trying to stab itself off of me. I only felt a little stiff and slightly sore, but a little hesitant to practice. I've mentioned before that my morning practice consists of a couple sun salutations, headstands, handstands, and forearm stands. I first had to talk myself into sun salutations. Slow quiet sun salutations. Every breath, every tiny movement and placement of bones, every pull or push - I listened.

Softening into my practice isn't my forte' but I made it through the whole thing without pain. That's all I did and I'm determined to take it slow. For all I know, this injury could have come about from a series of bad habits and careless moments. I'm practicing awareness and creating a safer practice.

I know of lots of yogis that have made a comeback from far more serious injuries than me... I just have to be patient and kind to myself.

* - these posts are almost always written at least a day early.
Also - There would be pics but my internet is acting stupid, so that didn't work out.

Reading from the Inside Out

I'm on Day 2 of full and total rest. Luckily I have some reading to catch up on. I have my new Yoga Journal, and I always have Light on Yoga sitting on the table being disappointed in me. Maybe I'll get around to starting that book for like the 5th time if I run out of mags and movies.

Recently I finished a great book. I actually started it in January, so it's funny that I just finished it. It's only 138 pages long. I swear I'm literate. The book in question? Christina Sell's "Yoga from the Inside Out: Making Peace with Your Body Through Yoga". 

I'll be honest. At first when I got this book (Christmas) I flipped through it and went - oh this book is for people with problems... That's not me. Eventually though, I got off my high horse and read the damn book. You don't have to actively be "at war with the body" to get a lot of amazingly beautiful insight from this book. It's entirely possible that reading this book contributed to me resting my body right now instead of pushing through the pain (because yes I'm kind of a fitness junkie that pushes too much).

As I read it, I marked pages with notes to talk about it here. Eventually it just became a farce and I had to admit that it was the whole book. If you've ever had a problem with your body, or struggled to treat it well, or want to better understand how yoga can change your life, or want to hear how the back body represents the Universal, or wonder what it really means to have a healthy body image... READ THIS BOOK. That is all.

I'm not being paid and no one asked me to review this book. I just bought it, read it, and recommended it.

The Sky is Falling

I don't know a whole lot about dreams and whether or not their content actually means anything. I like to think that they do mean something, but I sure don't know what on earth it is. Friday seems like a good day to randomly post meaningless stuff, yeah?

This week I've dreamed about cars falling out of the sky onto me, taking a bath full of butterflies and socks, doing a dropback and falling sideways into a bunch of people, having tea with John Friend, and swimming with baby whales while watching nameless creatures glow in the dark of the sea. Yep, it's all over the place... but it's always interesting.  Kinda like life.

Today I did a 3 hour morning practice all about balancing poses. I also realized I need to write up some new class plans. It's been like 9 months since I last did that. I've learned lots of new things since then that I need to integrate into my practice - for reals.

PS:  If you know anything about dreams or just want to throw a wild fiction story my way - let me know what you think some of those crazy dreams could be saying. Also - if you want to share a strange dream you had... please do.

Let Them Eat Love

Almost a solid year ago I wrote about feeding your demons, or rather - I suggested that when your inner demons or grudges pop up and get in your face - to starve them. Read the post for more info on the full idea going on there. In re-reading that old post, I think to myself "That's still good advice. There's nothing wrong with it". However, there are many ways to skin a cat. (What an ugly term for an animal lover like myself - but it works.)

My ideas and coping methods have changed, but I'm in no way saying that one way is better than the other. Just different. Perhaps my feelings towards certain events have simply stopped being too heavy for me to look at them with Eagle Vision*. 

For months now I've been meaning to write a post here to discuss my newer viewpoint. When a wound isn't fresh it can work really well. When your inner demons demand attention... or just start sharpening their claws on your leg like a persistent cat...

♥ ♥ Feed Them Love. ♥ ♥

Now before you go thinking I'm some kind of nutter - read the rest of the post. Then feel free to comment on my insanity, ridiculosity, or crunchy granola outlook. When I suggest feeding them love - I don't mean wear an impenetrable smile on your face and turn the other cheek to unending abuses. Don't do that - that's an act of self-sabotage or denial.

When my inner demons rear their ugly heads - I pull a page from my favorite bears and I give a Care Bear Stare. You can even do it standing in line at the bank. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and bring to mind the name or situation that is causing you grief. If you're more visual - you can imagine them in front of you. Then consciously send them love. You can use words ("All my love to fill in the blank"), you can visualize a stream of swirling hearts flowing from your heart to theirs, or you can visualize hugging them. Maybe even do all three consecutively. If you're feeling adventurous, try to smile while you do it.

It sounds really floaty, but I swear it works. Eventually your heart space around these poisonous topics/people will have softened and you will have truly made peace with them.

*Eagle Vision: Backing off and allowing yourself to see the Good.